literature

Stargazer, Ch. 1

Deviation Actions

Identifyed-Khaos's avatar
Published:
382 Views

Literature Text

What if the stars up in the night sky,
the stars that make up various constellations and images,
are actually stationary spaceships monitored by extra-terrestrial beings?

The question startled Thelma, as she gazed transfixed upon the stars in the sky. She lived in a typical urbanized city, which generally produced large amounts of light to where on cloudless nights she could at the very least see the big dipper clearly. It was, perhaps, because of this that she felt such an intimate connection with this particular constellation. She had little knowledge in Astronomy and her experience was thus limited to what she could see with her own eyes, from her brightly radiating city.

The question evolved into a nagging thought, itching at the back of Thelma's consciousness, as though it had somehow insisted itself into existence through the means of her mind. The thought persisted as she prepared for bed. She did not know that the dream that was to unfold, would soon transform her perspective entirely.

When Thelma awoke, she was in colorless room, dazed by a blinding white light. Her thoughts were cloudy and she had no idea where she was, why she was there, or what brought her there. Once her sight adjusted, she realized there was a man standing casually next to her. He was wearing a black abyssal robe, adorned in golden celestial sigils, unlike any she'd ever seen before. He introduced himself as Mal'Kheith and though Thelma had no immediate knowledge of ever knowing him in her present incarnation, when he reached for her hand the touch ignited aeons of memories that instantaneously flashed in her mind's eye--all of which she hadn't been aware she possessed.

The rush of information and remembrance was astonishing to Thelma as she glided over several images, each of which represented but a part of the whole and all of which exploded into manifestation at her command. She glanced over images of enchanted forests where plants could talk and had wisdom to teach. The beings that dwelled there had pointed ears and were so connected to their environment that they had established direct communication with it and could thus influence it to their, unified, liking. Though this custom was foreign to Thelma's current incarnation on Earth (where all they did was destroy and exploit their environment for their own gain), Thelma felt an aching longing to be one of the Elven once more.

The next image her consciousness settled on was located deep within the hidden chambers of The Sphinx. A group of seven robed figures stood around a dark violet crystal chanting in a language which was entirely alien to Thelma; yet still, something about the soothing tone of their synchronized voices enticed her with familiarity.

Shards of light began emanating from the crystal, and the twinkle caught Thelma's eye. She began to inch closer, peering further into the object as though it held the intimate secrets of her soul. At first all she saw was a reflection of herself, but gradually the reflection began to morph and change. The being was no longer human but rather had many feline characteristics such as slanted green eyes, high cheek bones, and russet auburn fur.

Before the being could speak, Thelma was drawn out of her trance by Mal'Kheith pointing at her ears. Confused, Thelma touched at the back of her ears and felt small tubes running directly into her skull underneath layers of skin. She was both astonished and baffled. She had absolutely no memory of ever having gotten any such operation and further she did not know for what the purpose the operation was done in. Thelma looked around, taking in her surroundings more clearly. "Where are we?" She asked.

It appeared to her to be some sort of a highly sophisticated hospital, though where it was located Thelma could not be certain. Mal'Kheith responded, "The Mothership, I believe you humans  refer to it as Ursa Major."

"We're in a star?!" Thelma asked in disbelief. Mal'Kheith nodded and the realization threw Thelma hurling back to her physical body. Her eyes shot open in horror, her body was in a feverish sweat and Thelma immediately reached for her ears. The sensations her dream had provided had felt so real that Thelma was taken aback to find her body was just as she left it---without tubes running deep into her skull. However, upon closer inspection she felt a bump that was tender to the touch just below her ear lobes which allowed her suspicion to harbor and linger a while longer.

Though Thelma gathered that it was still relatively dark, a growing restlessness motivated her to get out of bed and go get some fresh air. The door shut with a creek and the night was welcoming as a gentle breeze caressed Thelma's face. She sat upon the cool grass, the drops of dew sinking into the fibers of her clothing. She didn't mind it though, she was content. She shut her eyes and inhaled, her lungs being nourished by the air.

Far in the distance, she could hear soft footsteps approaching. She opened her eyes and turned in that direction. "Who's there?" She asked. The treading steps ceased. Thelma bit her lip in anxiety and pondered heading back inside. She had no idea what could be lurking out in the night.

A sudden rupture of loud static white noise burst in her ears and Thelma grabbed at her head in pain. Her cat, Pherroth jumped out from the tall grass. He was a small green-eyed tabby cat, with a mischievously sly wit about him that made Thelma just adore him. He strolled to a stop near her and began licking at his paw. "You've been implanted?" He asked her telepathically. Thelma gazed at him in wonder. Did her cat just speak to her, in her mind?

"You can talk???" Was all Thelma could think to ask. Pherroth ignored her surprise and persisted, "When did this occur? You must be wary. Many things will soon unfold--you have a great many enemies as a formal hybrid of the Eindhurrian race. Come, it is not safe to talk here." Pherroth disappeared from whence he came and Thelma, bewildered, hurried after him.
This is a story I started for the creative writing class that I'm currently taking, and it's actually the reason I took the class to begin with. I had intended to write about aliens when I went into the class and it just so happened that on our third assignment one of the prompts included something relating to aliens. I was so overjoyed!

I've been debating continuing the story lately and I was curious as to what you guys thought of it and whether or not you'd like to read more.. I'd be happy to hear all opinions and comments/advise; they would be, as always, much appreciated!
Comments6
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
LadyKiriTheFallen's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

I can't say I've ever come across a story quite like this one. Even though it is classified as science fiction, it has snatches of fantasy weaved in. Until reading this story, I'd never thought about the idea of stars being spaceships monitored by aliens.

I am very pleased to say that I found very few grammatical errors in this work. The only one I found was in a sentence toward the end: "...Her cat, Pherroth jumped out from ..." There needs to be a coma between Pherroth and jumped.

You easily describe setting and scenery, but I was at a loss for what Thelma and Mal'Kheith looked like. You mentioned what he wore, but you didn't give a description of what he looked like. As of now, I'm guessing he was wearing some sort of hood or something to mask his features. I'm not too sure. One other thing I liked was the personification use when describing the question about the stars.

Throughout the story, I noticed some very long sentences. The story itself remained interesting and held my attention, but I grew bored of seeing the same type of sentences. You could perhaps rewrite some sentences and break them into two sentences. One such example is this: "He introduced himself as Mal'Kheith and though Thelma had no immediate knowledge of ever knowing him in her present incarnation, when he reached for her hand the touch ignited aeons of memories that instantaneously flashed in her mind's eye--all of which she hadn't been aware she possessed." Not only is this lengthy, but it also odd to read at first.

I also noticed in the second half of your story, you grouped a line of dialogue in with a large paragraph. Although there's nothing wrong with that, it would look better if you separated the two into separate paragraphs. The same rule applies for the very last paragraph. Whenever two characters are speaking, you must separate their dialogue by paragraphs.

I liked the unique names you chose for this story as well as the very first paragraph. Or is it a poem? That combined with the exchange at the end made me really want to read the next chapter.