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Greetings lovely watchers,

I'm pleased to announce the winners of the Early Spring Contest


*~**~**~**~**~**~**~* 1st Place *~**~**~**~**~**~**~*
Goes to whose entry:
won with 26 votes!
Check out some of her amazing gallery:







*~**~**~**~**~**~**~* 2nd Place *~**~**~**~**~**~**~*
Goes to whose entry:
won with 16 votes!
Check out some of her amazing gallery:







*~**~**~**~**~**~**~* 3rd Place *~**~**~**~**~**~**~*
Goes to whose entry:
won with 14 votes!
Check out some of her amazing gallery:







There you have it folks,
I really hope you all enjoyed,
It was lots of fun hosting this contest
May there be many more to come!

CSS made by `TwiggyTeeluck
Brush by ~nuarted

Every photograph tells a story
Some even allow the viewer
To slip into a beautiful fantasy
Full of wonder and enchantment





























I really hope you enjoy!

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My head is spinning. Finally I got some honest feedback, constructive criticism. How long I've awaited such a thing.... and yet it sort of stings a little bit. That stab of pain on something I worked so hard on being poked and prodded, the foundation ripped to pieces. My own arrogance blinding me, despite voices of the past echoing warnings to me. I thought surely, my essay was the best. And perhaps it was. But it isn't MY best. There is still more to improve. Even if I couldn't see it. Even if I judged my work to be perfect. It isn't. It's a hard pill to swallow. The truth. Rather than my own delusion. I do that quite often. I shut people down. Because I don't agree with them. I assume everyone is stupid. But they aren't. No more than I am, anyway. An 88. Am I happy with that grade? Is it an honest grade? Would I prefer a 90? Or even a 100? No. I suppose not. I was blindsided before. Failing to edit simply because I thought it was perfect. It wasn't. It never will be.

There are very few times where I become infuriated. Scratch that, I get infuriated OFTEN! But what I mean to say is there are very few times where I get upset over things that actually matter to me. Things related to my intelligence or intellectual creations would be one of them. It's an honest grade. It is. But I wanted more. I will always want more. How insufferable this quest is! And absurd. There are times where I can't stop myself from laughing. Everything just feels like one big joke. And I don't know why I'm here. What I'm doing taking these classes. Caring so much about philosophy. Over estimating my intelligence and being hindered as a result. I have to carry these things every single day. I am very much alone. I cringe when I think about my interactions with others. And how easily I give up. The thought dawns on me and I feel like running far away from it. Into another fantasy. Removed from reality. Isolated.

Am I disappointed? A bit. I just wanted to hear the words, "FANTASTIC"! That would have been great. Why can't I just write the script myself? Perhaps I should. Create my own story. Crush all the characters spirits before the end of the first page. It'll be the most epic tragedy of our time. More than likely, it'll be read by no one. And on the off chance it ever becomes big, it will be diluted for the ignorant masses to consume. What's the point of doing such a thing? I know, I know! My attitude is somewhat defeated and pessimistic at this moment. But it is my feelings that I'm expressing. And this is my journal, damnit! I can confess all my inner most thoughts! It's the internet, there's no charge for doing such things yet!

I suppose I'll get over it soon. I have a whole week to wallow and recover. Once I feel better, I'll revise it. And then the next challenge awaits. The next part of the essay is going to be difficult. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to connect them well enough. I don't want to think that the first part of my essay isn't good enough. I can connect it. Make the pieces fit. I already got a head start on reading the book I'm going to write about. Thought writing about Sartre would make it easier. It would certainly go along with Nietzsche's thought better but... I don't want to take the easy road. I want to make it relevant to now. Plus, after the novel of a discussion post I wrote writing about Sartre again would just make me feel like I'm repeating myself. Maybe that's all I am, a parrot repeating words. Maybe I've finally become everything I despised. I am that monster.

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I will be giving 500 points to one deviant who analyzes this philosophical quote:

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby becomes a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."

Written by Friedrich Nietzsche
In Beyond Good and Evil, Aphorism 146.

Tell me what YOU think it means.

The person who gives the best answer, according to my subjective standards, will be the winner, to with the points as they wish. <3

Good luck, lovelies!

Skin by ~LuigiDrawerX3

Sometimes, I just feel like escaping into
A beautiful fantasy full of wonder and enchantment
These photographs help me do exactly that...



Hope you all enjoy!

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As I sit here, reading On Truth and Lie... I get this overwhelming sensation of understanding and tears come to my eyes. Because I know exactly what he means. Or, at least, I think I do. He speaks of the intellect and mentions its powers of simulation, of the roles we act out... and I remember my dreams as of late. Dreams of acting in dramas. Of being an essential role in a play. This dream reoccurs. Communicating a different thing each time. But the one similarity I've noticed is this panicked thought that I don't know my lines. I haven't even seen the script. I don't know my characters name. I don't know the time period in which the narrative takes place. I have no idea what is supposed to happen. I truly know nothing. Just complete displacement and disarray. In one dream, it was about perspective; my eyelids were covered in blue glitter and I saw myself in the mirror. My true self. In another I declared my love for Satan.. Or something of the sort. >_>

Satan is an interesting character. Whether he exists or not, I definitely do think that he has some significance for me. We are a lot a like. I am the adversary. (In stealth. In the shadows.) And I declared it because I meant it. In a way, I feel like it is necessary for me. To become more vocal about my strange thoughts. I don't speak up enough. And announcing something as absurd as that almost always illicits a peculiar response from the audience. And it does something for me too. I'm not seeking acceptance but I am learning to accept myself. I know I have many... unconventional beliefs and I can't even fathom how to deal with most of them. So, I don't. And things stay pretty much the same until I grow discontent. Ultimately, I think I'm getting too caught up in my daily life with what things and people are supposed to be. And then, there's the answer. That one reason for my existence. The thing that brings me fulfillment: the search for the truth. I can't wait to write my essay on this... I hope I do well..

Anyway, back to Nietzsche, he mentions vanity and I agree. I am 100 %, completely self-obsessed. All I think about is my self. I glorify my own existence and as he points out, that annoying damn mosquito that leeches off us probably floats around thinking itself to be the greatest thing and center of the universe too. But why does my intellect often produce such vanity? I want to be the best. I strive for better. I keep raising the standards for myself and others. Because I do think we could all be better. Change is possible and within my grasp at every second of every day. I could do something different. My mind will be focused on a different thought at any moment. But does it mean anything? Aside from my own meaning that I attach to it? At this point, I honestly can't tell.

In my opinion, man is the creator. He created god. And he can kill him. Have I killed god? I certainly have rejected the notion of an all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving one. I've shed that belief long ago. And I linger on another one. On a question, really. Why can't I be my own god? Even though I know there are many others that think this way, that embrace this philosophy... I still have trouble revealing this to people. But I had an interesting conversation with Father M the other day. I hadn't spoken to him in a very long time. I often dream of him and my current philosophy professor too. They usually impart some kind of truth to me. Like the importance of moderation in pleasure, a concept I'm still working on honing in my daily life. Or the importance of kindness. Anyway, we were talking about tarot cards and he was telling me why he thought they were wrong. He explained that it was wrong to try and control the circumstances that happen to us and since I actually do feel strongly about divination, being that I have on occasion viewed glimpses into the future through magick--I obviously disagreed. I don't think the purpose for reading the tarot is to avoid events. I actually think it's purpose is something entirely different. The whole point of existence, as far as I can gather, is to learn. And I, obviously take no quarrel in obtaining occult knowledge in order to prepare myself for some traumatic future event. My first reaction is to try to change it. That is true. But if anything I've learned on many occasion that the reason I seek this information is to prepare myself for whatever oncoming suffering or to obtain insight about myself. I suppose that means me vain.. But I truly do only desire to grow.

Just one. I'm not greedy. I promise... I'm just really frustrated, truth be told. I've been waiting to get one ever since I understood what it was.. And what an honor it would be! All that exposure! I know that I shouldn't treat it like a goal or a prize, as though getting one would suddenly make me a great photographer. I know that isn't entirely true and that it isn't the best outlook to have because there are plenty of deviants who are great at what they do and they haven't gotten DDs yet either. But then, at the same time, I see others getting multiple DDs. Not that they don't deserve it. But so do many others who haven't even received one yet. Even though I know it doesn't make someone good, I still feel like having received one really does speak to the talent of said deviant. Someone liked it so much to allow it to be seen by a lot of people that wouldn't have seen it otherwise. I can't help but want that! Will I ever get one?

Greetings my lovely watchers!!!
*~**~**~* Hope you all are having a fantastic day . . . *~**~**~*
Cause it's time for a Portraits Feature!


















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*~**~**~**~**~**~*
If you enjoyed these brilliant photos
Don't forget to... Favorite, Comment,
And spread the love!

Have a great day everyone! <3
*~**~**~**~**~**~*

So much has changed. I'm not sure if it is for the better. At times, I cannot tell which side I am on or if there are any sides at all. I don't know if I'm pessimistic, if the glass is half full or half empty--much less what I should do with it. Sometimes it seems so easy to create as I wish and other times it appears as if I intentionally sabotage myself as I self destruct. My mind shuts down and stops thinking until I no longer am what I want to be. But I know the switch to the opposite perspective is just as easily flipped. Most of us just actively choose not to. That makes me quite sad.

A few minutes ago, I was brightly awaiting a new year--2013. I kept thinking of all the things I wanted to manifest, of the new habits I wished to build and then... it so easily crumbled. I faltered, just like we all do. I don't know why... I say things sometimes. Things I don't entirely mean. But I say them anyway and eventually I believe it and I attach the meaning to it and it seems that is all I can do. I could very well do the opposite and think this year is going to be just as shitty as the last like so many are, but then what would doing such things accomplish? It is counterproductive to think so negatively, especially regarding the self. I know this, and often, I still do it anyway.

I think; I can't attain virtue, happiness, moderation, or wisdom. Crucial things that would make life significant, are safely out of reach. But are they? Truly? I wouldn't say so. All of these qualities are just very difficult to maintain. And rightfully so. For if they weren't, they would certainly not be as meaningful as they are. They take work. And struggle. The amount of effort one puts in when in these trying circumstances is what produces the desired ends that are sought.

When I reflect upon a year ago, I think about how much uncertainty I faced. How much gloom the future awaited me. And it's true, there were many moments of despair. But I don't want to choose to see solely those things... because there were good moments as well. Many, in fact. While it is important to accurately access reality as it is, it also isn't good to have a bad attitude about it. Our emotions, as humans, largely affect our actions and what manifests. So, to choose to focus on one thing makes it a reality in some respect.

For my New Year's Resolution, I want to attain moderation and self-control; rather than indulgence for the sake of pleasure. I want to hold my being to a higher standard and I should consider all aspects of a situation before acting or even of thinking ill towards others around me. I don't wish to spend my time picking nonsensical arguments or discussions with others who are simply not interested in having them. I want to know when it's time to let go and be able to move on to whatever demands my attention next. It seems far better to devote all my time doing something that will benefit me than something that will hinder me. But, of course, like most things it is a gradual process of self-transformation.  I hope you all are having wonderful holidays!

A huge congratulations to who won with her entry:



A piece that perfectly embodies the season of winter, inspires the most pleasant thoughts about the holidays in general, and creates a strong yearning for warmth & snuggles!






*~**~*Some of the other beautiful entries*~**~*









*~**~*Previous Journal Entry: [link] *~**~*


Argh!!! I always have such a difficult time deciding these things!!! I really wish I could have given you all premium memberships! But alas, I only had a certain amount of points!


*~**~*Feel free to spread the holiday cheer *~**~*
*~**~*By leaving these artworks some love! *~**~*

*~**~**~*Attention: One hour left until the contest closes, *~**~**~*
*~**~**~* Hurry and get your entries in if you want to win!!! *~**~**~*




Greetings my beautiful watchers!

For my Christmas present this year my significant other has been kind enough to buy me just enough points to gift to someone else a 3-month premium membership! So I figured why not hold a little mini contest in celebration of the giving-season?

To enter all you have to do:
Produce a Christmas/Winter Related artwork!
Favorite this journal, so more people can see it!
Leave a comment with a link your entry below!

Judging will be based on:
Thoughtfulness
Creavitity
Skill

Additional information:
All mediums allowed.
The entry can be old or new, but it must be YOURS!
Deadline is December 25th, 2012 at 11:30 PM CST

Time is ticking, get your entries in quickly Deviants!