Just as much as the next person. I know it may seem like I don't. As though it all came effortlessly to me. And sometimes it does. But not this time. It all feels so strange. I have such high expectations for the remainder of the year and what if I'm unable to reach any of them? What if I can't find 10 atheists? Or a faculty adviser? What if I'm met with such violent opposition that this group will never spring into fruition? These questions weigh heavily upon my questionable soul.
I've been getting into some pretty... intense discussions with people lately over the topic on the existence of god. And I'm confident in my responses, with my knowledge in logic, and the formulation of my arguments. I know I'm being as rational as I can be (if you overlook the emotion that flares within).However, what is troubling me and weakening my resolve is the fact that it doesn't even seem to matter how well I do. No matter how much reason or sense I make... I'm either met with horrible threats of hell, inaccurate assumptions or insults, and just plain intolerance. Granted, I'm not that kind of a person to discuss these things with... I'm merciless. If I see the flaws, I WILL point them out. And every time I do... It's hilarious that they try to pull in something else which is completely irrelevant! It's infuriating! I see such great potential in people... that I just wish that'd reach out and grab it! They could possess it. What I have. Reason. Rationality. Intelligence. They can be more. But they choose not too.
Still, I feel this drive to do this. My city is a small place. But if I can find a few people who are willingy open to reason then... maybe this place wouldn't be so bad. Just a few sparks of intelligent minds... who knows what we could create! A radio show or an internet podcast would be just amazing! Having local calls would be a challenge and sure... I might have to bang my head against the table a few times but... Wouldn't that just be neat?!
I also have some more.. obscure plans for the semester but I'll keep those to myself for now.
These things must first be pulled from the unmanifest before I speak of them further! xD
On another note, and this is really a... weird shift of moods. If I can be honest... I've been a bit sad lately.
My kitten, Lilith, ran away from home a few days ago. I let her out one night, expecting that she'd stay close to home like she always did. I don't know what happened to her. That is the worst part. I try to be optimistic about it and I imagine that she's found another home.. And that whoever has her is kind and loving to her. Still, I can't help but think that maybe she is not alright. I really miss her. I haven't been this attached to an animal in a very long time. Probably not since my childhood. And with her continued ongoing absence... I feel my heart breaking more by the second.
I miss her so much!