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I worry,

Journal Entry: Mon Aug 20, 2012, 11:30 PM
Just as much as the next person. I know it may seem like I don't. As though it all came effortlessly to me. And sometimes it does. But not this time. It all feels so strange. I have such high expectations for the remainder of the year and what if I'm unable to reach any of them? What if I can't find 10 atheists? Or a faculty adviser? What if I'm met with such violent opposition that this group will never spring into fruition? These questions weigh heavily upon my questionable soul.

I've been getting into some pretty... intense discussions with people lately over the topic on the existence of god. And I'm confident in my responses, with my knowledge in logic, and the formulation of my arguments. I know I'm being as rational as I can be (if you overlook the emotion that flares within).However, what is troubling me and weakening my resolve is the fact that it doesn't even seem to matter how well I do. No matter how much reason or sense I make... I'm either met with horrible threats of hell, inaccurate assumptions or insults, and just plain intolerance. Granted, I'm not that kind of a person to discuss these things with... I'm merciless. If I see the flaws, I WILL point them out. And every time I do... It's hilarious that they try to pull in something else which is completely irrelevant! It's infuriating! I see such great potential in people... that I just wish that'd reach out and grab it! They could possess it. What I have. Reason. Rationality. Intelligence. They can be more. But they choose not too.

Still, I feel this drive to do this. My city is a small place. But if I can find a few people who are willingy open to reason then... maybe this place wouldn't be so bad. Just a few sparks of intelligent minds... who knows what we could create! A radio show or an internet  podcast would be just amazing! Having local calls would be a challenge and sure... I might have to bang my head against the table a few times but... Wouldn't that just be neat?! :D

I also have some more.. obscure plans for the semester but I'll keep those to myself for now. :la:
These things must first be pulled from the unmanifest before I speak of them further! xD



On another note, and this is really a... weird shift of moods. If I can be honest... I've been a bit sad lately. :( My kitten, Lilith, ran away from home a few days ago. I let her out one night, expecting that she'd stay close to home like she always did. I don't know what happened to her. That is the worst part. I try to be optimistic about it and I imagine that she's found another home.. And that whoever has her is kind and loving to her. Still, I can't help but think that maybe she is not alright. I really miss her. I haven't been this attached to an animal in a very long time. Probably not since my childhood. And with her continued ongoing absence... I feel my heart breaking more by the second.

Lilith by Identifyed-Khaos Please Love Me? by Identifyed-Khaos
Breakfast With Lilith by Identifyed-Khaos Lilith In The Grass by Identifyed-Khaos
LMAO by Identifyed-Khaos Lilith Watches You! by Identifyed-Khaos

:crying: I miss her so much! :crying:

Skin designed by scatterflee
  • Mood: Gloomy
  • Listening to: Listen to Reason--Bryan Steeksma
  • Watching: you, from your window ._.
  • Drinking: Strawberry Smoothie
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:iconmongoose64:
mongoose64 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012
Sorry to hear your cat ran away. As for your topsy turvy feelings and the fear with everything else. Don't think I can really say anything to help out. I went through the same thing and still kind of going through it. All I can say be patient and vigilant, and the answer's will slowly come.
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:icontaylorjaymes:
taylorjaymes Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Professional Writer
i hope you find your kitty. i have gone through many of the same issues with discussions on christianity and god. i personally don't believe a word of the bible, but do believe there is something out there bigger than us (whether it be god or gods or whatever, i really don't care which). but religion is one of those things that has to be left out of conversations with me, because people take it very personally. it can be frustrating.
Reply
:iconwanniewirny:
WannieWirny Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Have hope! :icongoodluckplz:
Reply
:iconirrationalrationale:
irrationalrationale Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012
Oh darling I hope that your kitty turns up soon!
It's frustrating trying to find reason within the human species, you're working with animals that just aren't reasonable. If we were reasonable, we probably wouldn't be destroying the planet that we live on, and ourselves.
I have some what if worries right now that are allowing me to feel connected to you within your worries.
You can do this Pricilla. You've got this. Rational people are hard to find but you can find ten. You can find a faculty advisor. Your passion in this is what is going to lead you to success.
Reply
:iconmrjmzack:
MrJmZack Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Professional General Artist
You're welcome. Nope, not too bad at all.

I agree, it is twisted. Honestly, I enjoy being alive in this moment, with all of it's ups and downs. Life, with its myriad of connections, emotions, rewards and consequences. That's what matters.

Here's hoping to hear good news. :hug:
Reply
:icontheresahelmer:
theresahelmer Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Professional Photographer
Ps. i hope you keep us updated with your cat...i know how dreadful the feeling can be, i too lost dog (Chow Chow by the name of Ginger Bear and a cat as well).
Reply
:icontheresahelmer:
theresahelmer Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Professional Photographer
I agree with Kiyomichan12, i too respect and admire you as an artist. You are wise beyond your age, which i do find that comforting, the future can be handed down to intelligent people regardless what other says, you still are out there. The good kind.

As far as God, you define your own life with what you believe in, conflicting thoughts will always be there, it depends on how you manage them when they knock on your door. Worrying is a wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you is a much better plan.

Remember this my smart young friend, if you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.

Love,
~Theresa
Reply
:iconthetalentless:
TheTalentless Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Student General Artist
Just let them believe in god, you know you're smarter. ^^ It's probably more of a problem if religion is an issue that occurs often. I can't tell, most of the people I know are atheists or christians, but they don't really believe in god, they're just christians because they're raised that way. Also I avoid people that want to change my believes. Maybe you do that AND find some people who are atheist.
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:iconchriseastmids:
chriseastmids Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
ok well i can understand that good luck, as for your kitty i had tw and one didnt come home for three days
Reply
:iconxchiyomichan:
xChiyomiChan Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012
I may not be an atheist... but should the topic ever come up between you and me, I already respect and admire you as an artist and as a friend; I will not let threats, angry arguing, or inaccurate assumptions get the better of us. In fact, I'd most likely be interested in hearing your perspective...I value your point of view, and would listen to everything you said. If you ever need a friend, you can talk to me :3

I'm very sorry about your kitten~ I hope she returns to you, and if not, is well and happy wherever she may be, and that she's being taken care of. She seems very nice, and should be treated as such. You've captured memories beautifully, and it's the best any kitten could hope for in immortalizing their moments with someone nice like you ^^
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:iconidentifyed-khaos:
Identifyed-Khaos Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Student Photographer
Awww, why thank you! That really means a lot! :huggle: Sometimes I wonder what I could have done different but...I guess I'm not doing so bad.

And thanks! I really appreciate that! Not many people say this sort of thing is fascinating.. xD Instead they threaten me with hell. :( I don't mind the threats so much, what bothers me is the fact that these people really believe they'll be tortured eternally if they do not believe. No one should live with that kind of fear, it's twisted. But thanks for the wishes, these pursuits are going to really challenge me and I hope it all goes well. :)

And thank you! If she returns, I'll be sure to write an entry about it.
Reply
:iconidentifyed-khaos:
Identifyed-Khaos Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Student Photographer
Thank you! I hope so too! :crying:
Reply
:iconidentifyed-khaos:
Identifyed-Khaos Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Student Photographer
I'm not necessarily trying to break their faith or change their religious beliefs (though that would certainly be a victory on its own). I'm trying to make people see reason, through debate and intelligent discussion. But sadly, these discussions never go over well. They take my questions and inquires as intolerance of their religious belief and this very idea is what causes them to be intolerant to others as a result. It's all very complicated and some what annoying.... but someone has to do it!

And thank you for the sympathy over my kitten but I really don't see what having faith will do for me. She's not coming home and not one blind belief will make it happen. I can only hope that she's found a better home. :crying:
Reply
:iconidentifyed-khaos:
Identifyed-Khaos Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Student Photographer
Lol, I'm not sure why they would be doing that... :|

But I hope you are right about atheists being easy to find at my college. I highly doubt that but it's always a nice thought! :love:
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:iconautogestion:
autogestion Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
atheists would probably be easy to find in your college
athough they may be too busy wearing fake armor and hitting each other over the head with fake swords [link]
or whatever other random junk that goes on there xD
Reply
:iconchriseastmids:
chriseastmids Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
faith is something that you might find hard to break, mainly because for every logical reason you put forward someone else will have just as much a passionate answer all be it very one sided, you won't ever break faith

as for you kitty well you'll just have to have faith that she'll return home to her mum, and i'm sure she will unless someone else has now taken her in ... fingers crossed for you and her
Reply
:iconwanniewirny:
WannieWirny Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Best wishes to you, I hope the kitten will return home soon :)
Reply
:iconmrjmzack:
MrJmZack Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Professional General Artist
Worry, stress, pain and their counterparts are a natural part of being alive: it's how you react to them that matters, and you seem to be handling yourself well.

I did not know you were an atheist, I think that's fascinating. I wish you the best of luck in your pursuits, friend.

I am sorry to hear about the disappearance of your kitten. What a pretty name, Lilith. I would like to hear that she returns to you soon, safe and sound. : )
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